Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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