my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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