accomplished twins. life is a go
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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