I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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