well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
