i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
