We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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