my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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