ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
