Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Congratulations! We have a period
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
