from now on my penis is your penis
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
