Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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