saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
