Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
