An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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