i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
