end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
