I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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