I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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