There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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