i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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