WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
