it hurts more in the daytime
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i came on her dog
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
