Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
