She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
