I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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