You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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