a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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