she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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