Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
