I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
