Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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