I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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