I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
