ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
