you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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