Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
