Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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