FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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