nutella sex= disaster
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
