thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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