did you get engaged???
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
