It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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