We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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