When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
