guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
