And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
