I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
