When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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