She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
