I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
