I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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