my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
