am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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