and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
