Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
