Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
