addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
