I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my being single is dangerous.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
