I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
