there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
