I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
