What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
