I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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