i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
