is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
